Yesterday, an ex-colleague gave me some blunt feedback. It made me defensive in the beginning, and for a second or two I was tempted to rationalize and give reasons why I might have behaved in a particular way or why people might have received some impressions about me due to certain behavior.
I stopped myself, because genuine feedback, even if it makes one uncomfortable - actually, specially if it makes one uncomfortable - is to be treasured. It is data about the impact of our behavior and can be better than most advice given to use.
That's because feedback leaves the choice of behavior change up to the individual. It forces you to think and ask, "if I am being perceived this way by some or most people, what are the consequences of altering this behavior and what are the consequences of not altering this behavior."
Value of feedback is actually after you process it. If you use it. And don't look to justify the reasons.
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Mr. Ghosh,
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you for your honesty in your post.
Feedback should be utilized to determine whether the image you are trying to project is the same image that your audience perceives.
We are quick to accept the assumption that feedback determines how we should behave and so; we l give up our responsibility by telling ourselves “if only I confirm to the traits that I receive in the feedback, I will be a success".
Each one of us has goals and agendas; and in order to accomplish these goals, we need to enlist aid from our peers. The ability to enlist aid from our peers depends on how we are perceived.
I agree completely agree with your comments "if I am being perceived this way by some or most people, what are the consequences of altering this behavior and what are the consequences of not altering this behavior." What you do with feedback is a choice determined by what you are trying to accomplish. I would add the following questions:
"Is the way that I am being perceived going to help me accomplish my goals or is it a detriment"
"What will it cost me to change and what are the benefits of changing"
"If I alter my behavior according to the feedback, will the new behavior contradict my values?"
Feedback is somewhat overrated. Everyone wants to give it but very few want to take it. The choice of accepting feedback is completely under your control and should not be done automatically.